Author Archives: theoverwhelmedmumrambles

Is it just me that was expecting the whole ‘kids won’t settle at bedtime’ bullcrap to stop after a certain age? If so, boy do I have some news for you and if you’re already a somewhat frazzled parent, LOOK AWAY NOW.

Also, forgive me Karens, for I am about to sin against rule number 101 of parenting: Love thy children for thou art blessed.

Teenagers are the worst. The hormones are rife, the boundaries are extremely blurred and there is a fine line between parenting and refereeing. Finer than fine, it’s actually invisible to the naked eye; it’s reminiscent of the feud of Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage circa the 80’s. (don’t quote me on this reference…but use the imagery here ok, just GO WITH IT!!!)

Bedtimes used to be ‘he farted’, ‘she coughed’, or ‘tell her to stop tapping the wall on purpose’.

Now it’s *DOORSLAM* and heavy bass; teeth gritting sighs and undertones of verbal abuse to one another liberally dosed with the occasional threat of ‘I’m telling Mum’ met with the hiss of ‘snitch’ in return.

Bedtimes used to be around 7-8pm in the evening.

Now, bedtime, accompanied with the cacophony of very audible teenage drivel is anywhere between 9pm and 2am.

No sooner than when the olds (yep, that’s us parents) fall into a finally settled sleep, they’re suddenly jerked awake by the sound of starving teenagers raiding the pantry below in the kitchen, the deep boom of the boy child’s laugh and the new found tic like noise from the girl child’s mouth; ‘hooyyeeehhhh’ *shudders*
Let me tell me something – you CANNOT and should not argue with an apparently famished teenager.

I miss the small squishy days and equally love the fact they’re so self sufficient, so confidently independent. Rarely, but it happens, they still try to curl up on a lap; spill awkwardly but still snuggly.

Being a parent to teens is one huge challenge after challenge – if you count the grey hairs on my heads that probably one for every battle we’ve faced each other head on in, locked horns on.

Would I change it??

Absofuckingloutely not.

Which leads me to my next story…

#Storytime #mumofteens #parentingteens #challenging #mumlife #mumblog #justanotheraveragemum

I’m sorry for what I put you through.

You never get any closure from the traumatic childhood memories that are raw in your memory; you learn how to keep the box closed and filed away, how to breath through any fleeting moments of panic and doubt. It gets better.

The relationship with your Mum doesn’t get better. What changes is your strength little lady; the strength and courage to know your worth, pick your battles and remember you didn’t choose your family. Its also important to remember that she’s still your Mum, and you have some fond moments, but the damage has been done and the foundations cannot be fixed. You keep each other amicable, at arm’s length; just enough that you know you care about each other and for now, that’s enough.

The man you thought you fell in love with really did a number on you. Your mental health takes a dip, you have emotional and psychological battle scars; damage from a toxic relationship that neither of you knew how to manage. You don’t find your happy ever after with him, and that’s for the best. You do get the gift of motherhood; two beautiful and healthy children. The two children you birthed grow up into beautiful, hormonally raging but beautiful young adults, and your heart fills with love & pride. They are your finest moment, your proudest creations and give your life meaning.  I promise you the feelings of hurt, mistrust and betrayal do fade away; and rarely now do you get any manic depressed states of overwhelming anxiety. I’m sorry that we went through that, and that we stayed as long as we did. A lot of friendships got lost in the aftermath; well, not so much friends as spectators who disappeared once the drama of a rocky relationship subsided. This relationship also did damage to family members who were isolated from you; but we don’t dwell on this as you get to choose your family in the near future.

There was a guy. You thought he might have been the guy, but sadly, for the second time you experience gut wrenching hurt. He uses you and leaves you for another once he’s back on his feet. Again, do not dwell on this. You get to see him daily in the future, in passing, and you don’t feel loss, remorse, or regret. Just sadness that someone else didn’t know your worth, and recognise you were bruised and recovering. You never get an apology, a reason, as to why this happened. You push through and realise these experiences make you stronger.

You DO get your happy ever after. I mean it, the whole shebang. The butterflies, the thrill of the chase, the dreaming of a happy future, the warm and fuzzy moments getting to know each other, the anxiety of wondering if you’re worth his time, the contentment of knowing this is it. His family CHOOSE you, and the children, and take you in as their own, loved equally, treated as if it’s always been this way. You experience true love, real feelings, and they’re dizzying, intoxicating and addictive. Its rocky in places, because you bring demons from your past to the table, but each time this man finds a way to soothe the hurt and reassure you that this is it. This is the One. You get married. You experience loss & pain with this man, you experience happy highs and lowest of lows. You get through thick and thin and always together. You get a cat, dog, chickens, new home. You learn to drive, a dream you’ve had since you were stuck in a hell hole village with no way out.

You get your family, and its good.

You make and break friends along the way, and that’s ok. Some people are cut out for lifelong friendships, others fade away when the time is right.

Right now, you are content. You are settled. You are home. You are loved.

Push through, younger me – I promise you it’s worth it.

In The Blink Of An Eye

(written by me as The Overwhelmed Mum Rambles April 2018)

My hair is frazzled and my eyes are tired.

I overdid the caffeine today and now I’m wired.

The kids won’t settle, all they do is bicker,

When they see me get stressed all they do is snicker.

‘He breathed, she blinked, she touched me, he farted’

In the early hours of the morning this bullshit started.

I just want a minute to catch my breath and calm,

Before heads get bashed for sass and smarm.

“Just ten more minutes and we can go to the park,

I swear, I promise I’m almost done,

I need more tea and you need your lunch”

This afternoon WILL get better,
just a hunch.

We got outside, we made it, hurray!

Sat in the park while the kids nicely play.

I’m considering an exorcism of inside the house,

Cause out in the open they’re nice and polite; quiet as a mouse.

Perhaps its just me harbouring the stress

Constantly worried about life, bills and mess.

I’m missing little things, in a blink of an eye,

No brain, ssh, I’m happy with the kids in the sun, I won’t cry.

In a moment spent watching the kids being happy,

I regret this morning for being so snappy.

Remember to take a step back to see

The real picture before me; of love, peace and family.

It won’t always be like this, one day they will have gone.

Flown the nest with their own life and family, moved on.

No matter how little the squabble, worry or fight,

Remember these precious moments in a more positive light.

This is starting to sound like a lecture from dust if you must,

So I’ll wrap up here and I’ll go away with trust

That one little bad thing won’t tarnish my day

But if I don’t pay more attention, these memories I won’t make.

-❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

…ironic, perhaps, coming from the woman who recently decided to air her daily strife’s and literal laundry on social media under the guise of a ‘blogger’. BUT, I do maintain somewhat an air of mystery being semi-anonymous; fine, yes I did invite my ‘Facebook’ friends to follow my blog and they know me personally. But otherwise, you don’t know me from Jack. Or Jill. Or that new girl who just moved in next door…you get my point.

Here is what I really came here to talk about though. Something that’s been eating away at my life for the last..at least ten years.

Social media.

The lifeline of my social interactions, the trigger to most of my anxiety, bane of my life. Particularly the big blue F word.

What did we all do before Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Tik Tok became a thing? I know I had a lot more ‘real’ friends before any social media platforms made it easy to hide, ignore and ultimately phase people out of life. The whole ‘I will delete anyone who hasn’t liked my posts in the last six months’ saga. We’ve all been there. Its still a common occurrence to see self congratulatory posts along the lines of ‘if you can read this I still consider you a friend’. Never mind people have literal shit going on and they may not have an online presence anymore.

I also loved myself and had a whole lot more confidence before body shamers, trolls, photo editing apps and filters became a thing and I will be the first to admit that I am a filter user and occasionally like to tweak my own selfies to ‘make me feel better’.

On Faceache and Instameh the majority of life online is black or white with a minority on the sidelines. I get it, everyone is entitled to an opinion, but are we really progressing as a united world when we can easily make people cry, afraid and even consider death by not thinking about a few clicks of a button?

Tik Tok…well I can’t really moan much about Tik Tok because hand on heart it has kept my insanity company during periods of household isolation and given me hours of fun. However; I can’t be the only happily married heterosexual who always finds my way on to lesbian titty Tik Tok and questioning my sexuality?! No…it is…? OK moving on.

I just get it, and I don’t get it.

Many moons ago I was in a short lived relationship with a guy who used to tell me I spent too much time ‘on my phone’. This was around the time I first got into Facebook, and it was new, shiny, and I loved posting funny things that got likes, comments and hours of interaction from the comfort of my sofa. Ironically, he also spent too much time on his phone; it’s how we got talking again, spent hours messaging and chatting and how we ending up living together for several months. The even bigger irony is once he had worn me down and made me bad for even picking up my phone, he kept his glued to his hand, face down on the surface or took it everywhere he went; one day I came home to find all his stuff gone and he was hooking up and moving in with another girl after talking to her on….yep, Facebook.

Perhaps my best and favourite social media/online flex is meeting the now love of my life, best friend, favourite human in the whole wide world. I also call him AJ, my husband…but again, good old social media played a huge part in making or breaking the relationship on my part early on. Thanks to Facebook and Instagram, a person can have an entire previous ‘before you’ life in pictures, in status updates, in video stories and I used to spend hours stalking his past – wondering if I could make him smile the same way she did, if we would have better adventures and so on and so forth. I learnt another big lesson from social media here – it’s not always as it seems. I was seeing holidays, smiles, happy moments caught in a one second click of a camera button but on getting to know AJ more I realised there was much more to the picture than met the eye, and that just because someone is smiling it doesn’t mean they’re happy. I stopped looking and comparing after we had a little bit of a heart to heart and realised that I am not her, we were not them, and we have indeed moved forward in 10 years and had many laughs, holidays, tears and memories than I could possibly imagine.

Will I ever not use social media, she asks, while writing a story to share on social media. Probably not. It has become a way of life for most; and technology is only getting betting and more advanced with time. If you’re going to use social media, use it for good – boost your business, promote creativity, share long winded stories that people may never read but at least won’t make people sad or feel bad. It’s a good way to keep in touch with relatives around the world and share updates and pictures – but we all need to remember to be humble and remember that we are each unique; know your limits, know your worth and just do you, don’t compare yourself to others and do not make anyone else feel bad because they perhaps don’t have what you have.

Before I go off on a tangent here, let me wrap this up by saying:

…or as my partner likes to tell me ‘older and wiser dear’. My response is always ‘I can easily change our vows from ‘Til’ death do us part’ to an eulogy; ‘at his demise of being so downright cheeky did we part’..

It’s taken a few years of ups, more time spent down and broke (literally, mentally and financially) than periods of time spent not worrying and fretting with changes and paranoia.

The last few years have been trying, especially the last 2; with a pandemic virus spreading like wildfire, lockdowns, isolations, illnesses, school closures AND working throughout it all to balance the bills, the home life, the working life, the mental health, and the sanity of the family….and breath! Jheez just writing it was exhausting let alone actually living it.

But, here we are, on the sunny (ok let’s be realistic looking out the window at the moment….) rainy end. Life, waking up, putting one foot in front of the other and occasionally cracking a heartfelt and genuine smile isn’t so difficult anymore. In fact, I look forward to getting out of bed, to embracing the day and making memories.

I wonder who to thank.

Would it be AJ for his continued love, patience and support? For not getting cross when, for the millionth time in a month I’ve sat up in a blind panic and asked him if he was going to leave, or if he still loves me as much as the first time he fell in love with me. Or for still loving me when I’m deliberately poking at him to get a reaction because my own insecurity is screaming for attention regardless of wether the interaction is negative or positive?

Would it be the children? For keeping me on my toes, for reminding me not to be selfish and that I still have a responsibility to keep these tall, lanky not so little humans that I made, safe and warm, fed and comforted, supported and loved? For taking their crazy moody Mum at face value and loving me regardless?

Do I thank my friends…actually I won’t go there. Friends is a whole other story for another day, that I won’t dwell on right now. I don’t really have a friend to thank personally just a handful of people who pop up when I post a cry for attention on social media but I never really see in the real world anymore. Sad, harsh but true. (And might I add as my own, personal disclaimer; its of my own doing. I am admittedly a self made hermit who can talk the talk but prefers the company of my ‘inner circle’ (family) and will easily not make plans on purpose. Doesn’t however change the fact of how I feel when it comes to friends.)

Family? AJ and children aside, and a very small handful of others….*tumbleweed passes through barren and empty desert*

My job has probably helped. Actually, I’m certain it has. As a carer in the community, who has also upskilled and taken on a supervisory and trainer roll I have certainly found a new zest for life. An appreciation certainly for what I have and who I am, what I can be and what I can achieve. Compassion and kindness is key and I have that in abundance when it comes to everyone else.

I get days where I miss the ‘old me’. She was confident, sassy, smart assy and had zero doubts. She didn’t have an inner demonologue that whittled away at her mental health and reminded her daily of her imperfections. She…she was a version of me I had fine tuned.

The new me doubts herself constantly, fights with herself, picks holes in completely flawless and logic ideas, she hates her reflection, she is a bit of a Debbie Downer and thinks she’s knows what everyone is thinking and it’s always the worst.

But..here’s the crunch; I really like the new me. I am humbled by my experiences. With every doubt I am determined to do better, to be better. I am cautiously confident – not assuming and willing to learn from my mistakes. I look in the mirror and think ‘if I don’t fix me, no one else will’ while also realising that it is possible to be loved when you don’t feel loveable or likeable.

Let’s wrap this weird psychobabble diaryesque entry up.



Be kind to yourself. Know that it is never going to be possible to be perfect to anyone except yourself; and once you learn who you are – as long as you love you who cares what anyone else thinks.